Belfast Declared Least Congested City in Belfast

In an independent survey conducted by, organised and funded by Belfast City Council in an effort to boost tourism in the city it has been found that Belfast is the least congested city in the city of Belfast.

Belfast, the best roads in Belfast.

The new annual survey of great roads to drive around has named Belfast as having the easiest roads to navigate in the Greater Belfast area beating out other entrants such as Belfast, and Belfast. West Belfast MLA Alex Attwood (SDLP) was very positive about the move calling it a 'great step for the city' and a 'positive sign that the Belfast economy continues to grow and develop'.

Lisburn had hoped to take the title and having had their hopes dashed are now seeking an independent review into the judging panel.

Lisburn, not quite in touch with reality.

Lagan Valley MLA Edwin Poots (DUP) spoke to WNN, "Obviously we are disappointed that the City of Lisburn has once again lost out to Belfast and we can't help but feel that this has once again been a case of Belfast bias that ultimately will do more harm than good to our nation as they seek to centralize everything from shopping and politics to industry and now tourism."

When asked how he felt the centralization of tourism would affect counties west of the Bann Mr Poots replied, "I really don't care what they do in the Republic."

Mr Poots, wondering if this is part of the Gay Agenda.

Warrenpoint named Best Place For Incest for 4th year

People are partying in the streets of County Down town Warrenpoint in celebration of the town being named 'Best Place for Incest' for the fourth consecutive year by the Community of Redneck Avocations in Provincial Societies (CRAPS).

2010 Warrenpoint promotional material issued by CRAPS.

WNN spoke to CRAPS representative Eddie Poll on the side stage after the awards ceremony, "I'm proud to be able to come back to Warrenpoint to award the town with our most prestigious award for inter-familial love. This is the second time I've had the honour of handing out the award, but I've been here many times in the past couple of years. The people always make us feel so welcome, Warrenpoint is a great place to bring the family, the kids especially love it."

Amidst the reveling crowds of kissing cousins we managed to catch up with local resident, Mark, himself an avid fan of the CRAPS culture and one of the people instrumental in helping Warrenpoint win this accolade.

"Wow, WNN want to interview me, that's awesome. It's so great for our wee town to be recognized again as a world leader in inter-familial relations, my sister and I got together a couple of months back and said 'lets really make a go of this'. We spoke to our parents and friends and everyone wanted to get aboard, the whole community pooled together to do their bit for the town."

Mark, a true Redneck in every sense of the word.

It was the "Fifty Cousin Daisy Chain" held in Milltown Amenity Centre organized by Mark and his family that clinched the prize for the town.

"Yeah, the Daisy Chain was great fun, definitely one of the best things to come out of my bag of tricks. To be honest I wasn't sure if we could pull it off, a couple of my cousins were up in Bushmills for the weekend and we weren't sure if they'd make it back in time, but they did, and well, you can see the result."

This part of County Down has a long history of incestuous behavior and I asked Mark what exactly it was about Warrenpoint that made it so good for interbreeding.

"I think it's the sea air, and the view is really soothing in the evening time, it really sets the mood. To be honest with you I never really thought that I would get into the whole thing the way that I did. I spent a lot of my youth as a confused teen, I didn't know if I liked my sister or my cousin Roger, but through countless hours of help and guidance with my father I saw that it is OK to be bisexual, he's very open minded and has been a deep inspiration."

Early residents working up an appetite for some hot family lovin'.

As the party got into full swing I had to bid my farewells, despite advances from several girls who believed themselves to be distant relations, my job is to get the story first, business before pleasure. I left Warrenpoint to the 3 day celebratory orgy taking place at Narrow Water Castle.

Big thanks should go from all the people of Warrenpoint to Mark, through his determination this story has reached WNN, and through us to the whole world thanks to the internet.